Monday, November 03, 2008

ASK SYBD: Should I Delete My Ex From Facebook (& other online networking sites)?


When things are going good in life - those online networking sites can be a real treat. Facebook, MySpace, Bebo et al. When you break up though - it gets tricky.

"Delete or not to delete?" that is the question.

Just as "is it possible being friends with an ex?" is a common question or topic on So You've Been Dumped - so is how you handle breaking up in the Networking age.


It's a total nightmare seeing their status go from "in a relationship" to "single" or even back to "in a relationship" -- only this time with someone else! Ugh! (That's why I just leave my status as "it's complicated" - then if I am single or not - it doesn't change.)

I say "ignorance is bliss".


Oh boy, don't even get me started on seeing their PHOTOS on their profiles. Sometimes they're with other people. Sometimes just them. Often they're out having fun and it feels like they're rubbing salt in a wound - (intentionally or not). Ouch!

What' worse is the fact that even if you delete your ex - you can still end up seeing the photos on your mutual friends pages. This is particularly an issue with it not?

So each week it seems that someone comes on to SYBD and posts a question about what to do with their Facebook (or other) site.

Should they delete the profile? Should the avoid the site? Should they delete the ex as a friend? What about the mutual friends?

Honestly who knew this stuff would get so complicated?

Recently, FIREMAN BRAD (Aka "Brad") had some good advice I thought I'd share with you...The thread is many merged threads on the topics of these social networking sites and the thread runs to five pages...I asked Brad if he'd mind if I used his words for the blog today and he said that was ok. So thanks Brad.

Brad says:

Guys and girls. You don't need to avoid these sites, you just need to manage the information getting back to you. You can do this in a number of ways.

1. Change your settings to reduce the alerts getting back to you from mutual friends etc.

2. Speak to any mutual friends and explain that you will be deleting them for a while. They should understand.

3. Delete or block an ex from your profile. This would require an embarrassing re-adding as a friend - should you want to stalk them which should be off-putting enough.

Failing that, have an almighty blazing row with your ex calling them all names under the sun (effing this and that etc) which should result in them deleting and blocking you, solving your problem in one fell swoop. This approach worked well for me.

I didn't see why I should stop having fun on Facebook because of an ex, and don't see why anyone else should either.

Treat Facebook as you would your life - in that you carry on with your life, but just amend your routine somewhat.


That's actually some pretty sage advice. Do what works for you. Any suggestions - feel free to log in and share them with us.

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