Friday, October 17, 2008



Over the yeas I've witnessed tens of thousands of stories on SYBD and on occasion I have asked site members to fill out a survey about their story and those lessons learned. There are now three hundred pages of stories (and counting) - so I thought each week I'd share a story about how a site member has bounced back from heartbreak. I hope you find their stories as inspirational as I do! First up is a gorgeous Englishman (I know I met him once!)...

Mark’s Story

Mark is a handsome, successful thirty-one year old Londoner. He logged onto SYBD in early 2003 when his relationship of more than ten years ground to a halt and he found himself struggling to cope in the aftermath. He met his ex-girlfriend while working his way through his education.

I was working at Burger King in the evenings whilst at college, and I worked with some of her friends, so through hanging out with them, I met her. We also went to the same college and drank in the same pub. She told her friend that she liked me and the rest is history. I went up to her one night and started chatting to her and things developed from there.

We both loved each other with all our hearts but we got together too young and ultimately as we grew older we wanted different things from life.

While living together in Brighton, things came to an unfortunate end. They’d been living together in Brighton, while he commuted to work in London.

I remember she called me up and said she wanted to go out with her friends that night. I made a fuss saying it was Valentine’s Day, and that was the beginning of her staying in town at her brother’s for a week. After that week, she came back down to the flat and said she wasn't in love with me anymore and we wanted different things. She was very adamant that the relationship was over.

I was gutted. She broke my heart in a way I could not imagine. I cried a lot and couldn't stop thinking of her. Any song would make me think of our relationship. I couldn't get a grip of my 'new' life. Work was hard, and I couldn't concentrate. I definitely couldn't sleep and I was off eating for a while too.

To cope, like so many, Mark went into party mode. He was going out all the time, getting “trashed” with his other single friends and did his best to not get too depressed. To do so, he took some strong action.

I was just shocked, hurt, angry etc. Once I made the decision to leave the UK, things began to get better. When I came to Australia, and met lots of other people, I gained confidence again in myself. I had spent ten years with a side kick, as it were, and now I was on my own. I was worried that I'd be on the scrap heap and no girl in their right mind would want to be with me. As soon as I started to realise that the relationship wasn't all that good and that people liked me for who I was, then I started to see the light.

Since the split, Mark has gradually started to seize life. His personal confidence is good and he’s carved out a new life for himself down under and despite his low moments, he likes who he has become.

I have learned to live on my own and understand that life does go on after a break up. It's what everyone in a relationship fears. The breaking up. I don't worry about that anymore therefore I feel as though I can get on with things without worrying. I got a new job and moved to Australia on my own to find work and adventure. I realised one day that someone who wasn't in my life anymore was still making me unhappy, and that annoyed me, so I decided to make positive changes in my life. It felt as though someone took away ten years of my life and I was playing catch-up.

Mark eventually came to the conclusion he’s moved on and he’s more than a little surprised about where he arrived.

I actually felt like I would ALWAYS want her back and could never see a day when I would not hurt. Everyone kept saying time is a healer and I didn't believe them. I was offered the opportunity to get back with her about twelve months after we split up and I said “no”.

I couldn't believe I was saying no, but my heart had healed and it just wasn't letting me get hurt again. Every time my head thought about getting back with her, my heart would step in and say 'No way Buster, it ain't going to happen'. That is why now the best thing I have learned from all of this is that the heart is always right. Always lead with your heart and not your head and you'll be OK. Your heart is always right.

Mark would be first to advise a newly-dumped person that time is a great healer. He’d suggest they listen and learn from other people who have been in the same situation and be strong.

Breaking up does make you a better, stronger person. It's a life-changing situation that a lot of people don't take the time turn the experience into something that benefits them.

Don't contact your ex. Try and just accept that someone has ended it and that means something in the relationship is wrong. Don't plead, beg or even try to understand as the ex will not always be honest and open. They have moved on and they want you to do the same. My advice would be that if someone ends it, then walk away with your head held high and move on building your own life and experiences. There are so many wonderful opportunities out there in life. Go get ’em...

Mark is now more relaxed when it comes to relationships. He is the first to admit, however, that he does still have a brick wall that is “rather hard to penetrate” these days. He is now more focused on looking after himself and getting the most from his life. It’s brought him closer to his good friends and given him a confidence though independence.

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