Saturday, August 23, 2008



Well please excuse us for blowing our own trumpet here, but frankly working on the 2009 Marketing Plan for the site has reminded us how much we've achieved over the years. We're like that Little Engine that Could. Rightly or wrongly, this site was launched eight years ago on a "Field of Dreams" mentality. Yes we built it and they have come...growing stronger year-on-year. While other sites have crashed and burned - (in some cases despite copious amounts of investment,) yet we're surviving! True veterans of the Net. So without further adieu....



• Let’s face it’s a funny and memorable name….Most people actually laugh when they hear it. That's no bad thing...After several weeks of bouncing around URLs with family members and friends - one suggestion stuck!


• We’re the longest-running, online community dedicated solely to break-ups & divorces...(go to Alexa and see for yourself!)


• People who choose to engage in our community – tend to find solace, support and make fantastic friends in the process. Around 10% of our traffic visits in excess of 201 times a month!


• According to Google Analytics, in the first half of the year, we had nearly 80,000 visitors from more than 155 countries! Heartbreak truly knows no boundaries!


• Currently there are more than 110,000 posts in more than 11,500 topics. Not only that - we’re growing at an average of almost 100 posts per day!

5) THE DMO (Dead Message Office)

• Over the last two years, the Dead Message Office thread has received more than 2500 replies on 188 pages and it's had over 20,0000 views! (Check it out, it's a cracker, but you need to be a site member to view it! Do join, it's free!)


• It’s not just misery loves company here,…there are articles on revenge, dating, finance and relationships. Plus there are forums for entertainment recommendations, “Good News”, funnies in the “Light Zone” and for benefactors there’s even a saucy and candid S-E-X forum (which must be seen to be believed! LOL)


• Yes, you’ve heard “the best things in life are free” and that’s what we believe. @ SYBD. We don’t capitalize on your pain. (Maybe one day we'll change our minds but for eight years our support and advice has been free) If you want to make a contribution later, that’d be wonderful, but you’re not forced to cough up here!


• Over the years more than a thousand real, funny, painful, break-up lines have been emailed in and compiled into a humorous book entitled, “Goodbye My Lover” - due to be released in 2009!


• The site members are the most kind-hearted, articulate, benevolent and witty people we have ever come across. It's a place where young/old, gay/straight, rich/poor men and women congregrate and was said in our 2007 trailer - it's about 'people helping people'...So You’ve Been Dumped would be nothing without them…so here's to you guys and gals! Thank you!


Now do you see what we mean? Some of you site members frequent the blog, would you please add a comment why you think the site rocks? We'd really appreciate it...

PS: This list was not compiled to prove to the world how fabulous SYBD is, it's to remind us at HQ - because sometimes, when times are so challenging, we've actually lost sight of these facts and we needed a little reminder of what we're doing here.

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Friday, August 15, 2008



Well, I woke up this morning, switched on the Blackberry, to find a lovely email/donation to SYBD. Honestly, I never tire of getting these, and you do not know how needed (and appreciated) these voluntary things are. Yes, I feel blessed...(at least momentarily!)

Got out of my bed and on to my desk by 9am and ended up having a rather friction-ridden Skype-discussion - which left me feeling less-than-happy. Sour even. Another opportunity to practice surrendering. Isn't that such a challenge when you come into contact with people whom you perceive to be displaying a "bad attitude"? Thank you universe for this lesson.

There is a quote I posted on So You've Been Dumped's forums some months back that says - I believe it's original origin is the Tao Te Ching or maybe just Wayne Dyer's interpretation of it in CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS CHANGE YOUR LIFE - "I fully trust that others do know what is best for themselves."

This may well be my most challenging lesson in life. I think it is for most people. We always assume we know what is best for people but do we? Maybe yes, maybe no.


So I do what I do best, throw myself into getting things done. Work is my saviour. I've been scouting about for a business partner/mentor/angel type person to join the ranks of Camp SYBD. I pray this person is out there. Someone with Web 2.0 (or eveb 3.0) savvy and some free time and spare capital!

I can guarantee SYBD is a fun place to work and it has bags of potential. Truly it does. When I last checked there were twenty-seven spin-off ideas for the brand. Don't even get me started about the traffic - which is awesome of late. You know this year alone we've had visitors from 165 countries. I bet there are top rated sites on the internet who don't even have coverage from that many countries!

Yes, heartbreak truly knows no boundaries!


A little while later, after my disconcerting conversation, I was ranting, I mean chatting, to my best friend here, Nicola. Out of the blue she has just bought me a massage for today at 2:30. When she said that (over Skype) - I burst into tears. I guess I didn't realise how stressed I was! I think I've soaked up a lot of pain, anger, negativity and the like this week and it all just came out.

No doubt more will come out in this massage today. I can't wait. I could use some serenity...Anyway I do feel better now. So much so it's time to do this week's DUMP.

Check out my DUMP 100 blog to find out how my CHALLENGE (by Nicola actually) is going.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2008



Last night, I received a really nice email from a site member who had been concerned about another one. The email asked to be kept anonymous, and asked me to change the person's membership to "BENEFACTOR" status. Oh and $40.00 was included...


It's really just a term I came up with years ago for people who donate in excess of 20.00 pounds (or 40 dollars (USD)). It's generally for people who feel they've been helped by the site - a way to "pay it forward" (or give back), and in doing so they get access to more private forums. My fave among them is of course the S-E-X Forum which makes me blush when I read it sometimes! Ahem, but I digress...

So now others have come forward to "pay it forward" too - so someone else can become one. What a wonderful concept. I am sure someone suggested that to me recently in our meetings about the marketing plan, but I never 'actioned' it...and then the universe seems to have done that for me in a divine way. I've always loved the idea of paying it forward. I really have.

I do my best to do so but I find my site members are often better at it than me - which puts me a little to shame.

The original benefactor last night could have taken all the credit and said "look what a nice thing I did" - but chose to not to so. That to me is a random act of kindness and I am sure it will bounce right back to said person in some way. It may not be in a monetary way it may be in some completely different way but what we put out comes back. I firmly believe that.


Funnily enough, when I received the email, (on my Blackberry), I was I guess doing something that could be deemed as "kind" - so perhaps in some small way that was my return? So not only did the newly-appointed Benny benefit - but I did too in a different way.

I'd like to make a place for people to give Benny Status "MAKE BENNY USE A PENNY" (or 4,000 of them) ;)


Last night I had to put on my Sage Hat and try to counsel someone who's been going through a particularly challenging time. No real change there except for this was face-to-face as it were. Anyway this person has been in a challenging situation for quite some time and feeling as though everything was "pointless" in the end. Don't we all feel that way sometimes? But the fact is we never know what the counter to our action would be. In some cases it could even be life or death.

My point is we all are making a difference in some way - even if we don't see it at the time. I believe nothing is ever WASTED. And believe me a lot of people come on SYBD feeling as though they've "wasted all this time" with their ex "for nothing". I counter "it's never for nothing"...


There is always good in every experience - even the most painful. ESPECIALLY the most painful. They help us grow and learn the most! So embrace them and be grateful for them. As the band Fiction Plane sings "Everything Will Never Be Ok". We are human. We all have our good days and challenging days. We always have something that's perceived as "not quite right" - be it our health, our finance, our relationship, our friendships, our jobs...whatever. Life is filled with endless challenges but the only way out is through.

I had more to say but off to meet my Marketeer! Peace love and granola people. x

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Saturday, August 09, 2008


Questions keep bouncing through my over-active brain...I thought I'd pose them here.


This week has been about three things here at SYBD HQ...

1) It's been about really looking into the STATS of SYBD and its competitors. (I'll get back to this in a moment)

2) Going through footage of the SYBD Documentary (and doing some filming of yours truly)

3) Dumping stuff to de-clutter my homestead.

So let's talk about each individually. First of all - I've not only been really delving into Google Analytics to distil patterns and information from our stats but I've been researching other communities and "wanna be" dumped sites.

There is one such dumped site that's getting my goat a little. It's ripped us off in name and in nature.

It launched three years after we did as well. I guess the web's low barriers to entry make it a place that is RIFE for copycats. Thankfully the feedback on my main competitor hasn't been too favourable. I choose not to judge it myself - because it will merely look like "sour grapes" if I say anything...and besides I don't waste time studying my competitors too much it ends up taking my eye off the ball.

I won't bother giving that site any airtime here on my blog - because it's pointless - why would I want to promote said competitor?

But this whole thing has been good as it's led me to ask the question:


These days, it's pointless just going on "hits/page views/time on site" etc, or is it? What other metrics can we use to gauge its success?

So You've Been Dumped
visitors are by and large VERY LOYAL visitors.

They not only return once their "over it" (to "give back" to others in their time of need), but they also return if they go through second, third (or even more) break up/s.

They recommend the site to their friends.

They blog about it.

Some have even come forward to be in a FILM about it.

So I do reckon the site is a success in many ways.

I took a webseminar on The Tribilzation of Business Study this week which was fantastic and provided much food for thought.

It urges to not view how valuable the "community" is to the site, but rather to its members.

Well we are surveying 10% of the members next month, and I am sure we'll hear direct from the "horse's mouth" what is working and what are areas for improvement. I welcome the feedback.

All this is in aid of taking SYBD to new heights for 2009. It's an incredibly exciting time...Watch this space!

Which leads me on to TOPIC 2. The FILM. I've been asking a lot what my point is in doing this film? It's not just to promote the website though I am sure that's a likely result of doing it. My sole aim is to INSPIRE people and in a way to de-stigmatise "break ups" too. Because it's so personal to me - I find it challenging to see the wood for the trees. I've no idea who will end up in the film - how many of the dozen or so interviews will make the final cut - but like everyone else around here - I am most excited TO see it. Honestly I can't wait.

It felt good, no great, to do some filming this week...of me this time, here on the Clyde River in Glasgow. It was sort of a dress rehearsal to see how it might work but some of the footage could invariably end up in the final cut, who knows?

In any event - I am anxiously awaiting some feedback from my lovely Exec Producer who is currently on a flight to New York City. With a bit of luck he's watching the footage as I type these words. I just hope he loves what I've sent down. By the time he returns - he'll have new footage to spool through. This time of me!


Finally the DUMP 100 project. The third thing on my list above.

Yesterday, I was able to take away a pile of thirty things to a Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice in Cardonald. It was amazing how much "lighter" I felt when I did too. So much so - I am gonna scour the flat today to find another thirty things to get rid of (or more) for week two of my challenge.

Honestly, as I look around this room - I see thousands of CDs, DVDs books and gadgets that is merely just taking up space in this place. I am a notorious pack rat who's trying to change her spots. Yes, I'm mixing metaphors, I know, but it's time I lived my life with the "less is more" motto. What's that they say - "we only use, wear, listen to, watch 20% of our things"? Something like that.

I have far too many attachments to inanimate things. Parting with CDs may be about the hardest thing for me to but I never play CDs anymore with 20,000 songs on itunes (or more) why would I ever walk over to the wall, pull down a CD and play it? Well, ok the urge sometimes does hit me and not all CDs are on iTunes yet but it's going to be a bitch trying to assess what is and what isn't out of three thousand (or whatever) CDs on the wall here. I need an assistant for that project. Anyone game?

I really just keep asking WHAT IS THE POINT?

To my site, my film, my clutter, my relationships, to everything.

This room is chaos and it's time I addressed it. Right after I make myself a sandwich. I have some food left over from last night's impromtu BBQ. I am starved just thinking about it! Glad we did it then as it's been pissing all day today and is meant to all weekend. I am sat here in a huge GAP sweatshirt, sweat pants and fuzzy this really August?

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Friday, August 01, 2008



Well we are finally getting the UK broadcast of WE ARE TOGETHER. Regular readers of this blog will know I've been banging on about it for year now - since last year's BRITDOC festival where I first viewed the film. Teddy and Paul have done an amazing film and I really hope they get astounding numbers viewing it.


Well, I've completely overhauled the So You've Been Dumped shop this week and added all kinds of fun products. There's a great SYBD Throw Pillow (pictured right) a Keepsake Box. There's a Wall Clock, and a great new track suit (which I really want). In fact I want most of the products in my own shop - which rather defeats the purpose.Slowly things are coming together...The plans for transformation are in place. Research is being done - sites being viewed - market research being done on the forum...

All with the hope of making SYBD to be even better, brighter, and an even more informative destination for those experiencing heartbreak or a divorce.

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