Tuesday, June 03, 2008



Well further to yesterday's blog, Brian and I decided to go for some Italian food near Cafe Du Nord and to see Ed Harcourt last night. It was a tough decision but ultimately a good one, I think.

I've seen Ed before once or twice...Most memorably opening for Beth Orton (as I recall) at Glasgow's Royal Concert Hall which was massive compared to the 100 or so folks that I watched him with last night.

I generally prefer the small intimate gig - to the larger venues and stadiums and festivals...so last night was utterly perfect.

Ed's a quirky chap with with some catchy tunes and stellar lyrics. Sadly, the one I wanted to hear most was one that was omitted from the set. "She Fell Into My Arms". I guess people can't play every song everyone wants to hear at a gig, but it's so rare I actually pay to see a gig, it would have been nice to hear the one track I wanted to hear most.


I guess life is about dealing with disappointments eh? Things don't go the way we want. Relationships don't work out the way we want. Job situations don't always work out the way we want...

...And friendships - that's the one that's been on my mind since arriving in California last week. Friendships don't always work out the way we necessarily want either - but I guess they always go the way they are 'supposed to' (as I believe everything always does.)


You see, I had a few good, guy friends in High School. Real close friends. One who went to my school (and was a few grades younger), and one who went to a religious private school and was my class of '85.

Neither guy was one I'd dated or kissed or anything of the sort. Both are married with children. It would appear (from my vantage point) that these guys are not "allowed" to talk to me now. Yes, I may be mis-interpreting this situation, I am not sure, but it really does challenge me to not be disappointed.

I can see that if I'd had a relationship with either of them, or been "intimate" with either of them - some wives may find it "inappropriate", but the fact was - NOTHING EVER HAPPENED with either guy.

I have met both wives as well. I would say I am hardly a threat to anyone's marriage - let alone men from my high school days that live 7000 miles from me! Sometimes the curse of SINGLE WOMEN is that other women assume it's contagious or something. It's bizarre. I know some women are predatory but I am not one of them thankyouverymuch.

Again, I may be misreading the sitch. Maybe the guys aren't replying to my emails or phone calls because they simply have no interest in talking to me?! But both did quite a lot over the past few years (even when married) and then stopped somewhat suddenly. Ho hum.

Ok, to be fair, I do have a habit of pissing people off at times, that much I can admit, but if that's the case with these two guys - I am honestly in the dark about what I may have said or done.

I do realise I can "choose" to not be "offended" - and for the most part I am doing that, but it does make me a little sad...especially when, like yesterday, I was driving a matter of blocks from one of their old houses and then drove by the other guy's work - and then drove to San Francisco wondering how they both were.

I don't have a phone number for the first guy anymore as he was laid off from work - and emails sent to him seems to have fallen into a cyberspace void. The second guy just never replied to the last several emails over the past six months or so. So not sure what to think or deduct from that - other than they simply don't care to be in touch...I am one of the easiest people in the world to track down on the web. So I have to assume if anyone wanted to be in touch, they would.

Fortunately for me, it's not the case for all my former guy friends vanish. I did manage to go out for dinner last week with another one, Dave, who I've known since junior high school (so even longer than the other two) and even though he, too is married with kids, he's always made the effort to see me when I am out, and reply to my emails (eventually). Yay for Dave.

So I wonder, is it just me? Or have you got friends that end up blowing you off and disappointing you without any clue why?

Would it make a difference that I am seeing someone now? Is that less of a threat to the wives? I don't know...Maybe I should tell them and see.

Honestly, I can appreciate how women (and some men) get possessive and a bit territorial when it comes to single women (or men) - and that they maybe assume we're after their partner or something, but in my case, I can honestly say it's never once been true. It's not my style. Truly it's not. Besides I had a woman swoop and in and 'steal' my guy - it wasn't a nice experience so I'd not do the same to someone else.

Golden rule.

Maybe, just maybe, the guys in question will have a gander at this here blog and decide to get in touch. Who knows? I live in hope...

Ironically, I have a female friend who was one of my dearest friends in high school, and she no longer speaks to me either. What's weird in this case is that I'd bet you a buck and a half it's because her husband forbids it. No kidding. It's a long story, and I may be mis-reading that one too - who knows? But I miss her too.

Realistically, if I look at my life and the close friendships I have, there has always been a balance. If one goes out another comes in...that is true for me ALWAYS...but some days it's hard to not stare at the closed doors of friendships (or relationships) gone by. Even if you move on to a wonderful new relationship - it doesn't always stop you missing the ones of days gone by.

Maybe that's just life? Or maybe it's just me? I don't really know. I guess it doesn't really matter in the great scheme of things, but California does have a way of making me more nostalgic...

Thankfully I have Brian - who has remained steadfast my friend since around 1989. Unfailingly he is a true friend. He's seen me through all of my break ups and dating mishaps. And his boyfriend - who's in the other room right now - has no issue with me staying over ;) Funny that.

Praise be to Brian.


A close friend's mother is fighting a battle with Cancer and the NHS in England. Several folks across the UK seem to be at war with them at the moment...so much so it was covered in the UK's Sunday Times this week.

I've lost my mother to Cancer, and my "English Mum" to cancer in October, my friend Gail to it in December, and I know the woman in question here in the article, so it makes me sad.

I long for a day when they really do find a cure for the disease. It seems that if someone goes "private" for treatment and then tries to get "top ups" by the NHS they're denied.

Many of these people have paid for dozens of years to their National Insurance Contributions (NIC) only to be denied when it comes time to needing the meds. That hardly seems "fair" to me.

But then I guess sometimes life just isn't "fair". It's quite a hot topic and I hope they win their legal battle. There's hardly a day goes by that the NHS doesn't get slammed for something I guess...Sucks to be them, eh?


I'm still poised to do one last interview for the SYBD film. After eighteen months I am ready to get it edited and out there for the scrutiny of the public eye. Yikes.

It will no doubt be some time next year before it sees the real light of day but the light at the end of the tunnel is finally visible.


Today, in closing, I am off to meet another (former) guy friend who I've not seen in nearly twenty years, I think. I honestly can't remember the last time I saw him. He's a drummer here in San Francisco and I used to go watch his band play back in high school. I think I first saw them open for SPARKS in Palo Alto, or something. Who knows?

Anyway, he's from the East Coast, originally, and on one of his trips when he went back east for the holidays, he loaned me his drum kit. Tried as I may, I could never get the knack. I remember trying to learn U2's "I Will Follow" and failing miserably...Probably why I became a DJ on the radio - it's about as close as I can get to playing music.

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