Tuesday, January 29, 2008



Both mentally (which is my own choice) and physically because I think I over-did it with weights at the weekend or something.

Yesterday did end up draining me. Again, that was my own choice to fixate. I did have a number of messages from forum members who had experienced the same sorts of emotions (and reaction) as I did toward the DRAMA, but it didn't make me feel that much better. I don't feel the need to be right or justified really. I think I am annoyed at myself that I've been so effected by it - that I didn't follow my Tao principles...the ones I've been learning...Particularly those of practicing "Non-Judgment",...


Even though I know I can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped, who refuses to listen to the input from a dozen or so people whose sole reason for replying was not to judge or ridicule but to support...I can't help anyone who chooses to dig their heals in refusing to look at things differently - to maybe take some resposibility for the dramas being acted out in their lives...

Last night I was talking to my dad about the day - and I came up with the phrase - "we are the composers of our own misery symphonies"...on some level either consciously or subconsciously we create all the dramas in our lives.

Another quote I came across last night was also a reminder worth noting:


And I think that's true. It's not like you can tell them they are, can you? They won't believe you! They'll deny it. They'll blame you. They'll find a way to make YOU wrong for even suggesting it.

So what is the answer? Leave them? Trust them to find their own way to happiness?

No one likes to be judged or be criticised. It makes most of us defensive - so that much I understand, I really do, but to vehemently shout that someone else (actually everyone else) is wrong and you're right is futile. 97% of the advice on the thread was positive and constructive - but the person in question chose to only see the 3% which was seemingly-judgmental.* (more on this similarity later)

It may hurt, but if a dozen people are going to tell me ANYTHING - I am gonna suck it up and listen...because I don't think we always know how we come across to other people. I might not like it but I'd certainly take a pause and sit with it awhile...

As the BUTTHOLE SURFERS once sang "You never know just how you look through other people's eyes" and that's so true. My DAD never got too mad at me (ever really) but when I was a teenager, I apparently used to scowl a lot. Half the time I didn't even know I was doing it and damn it used to set him off - he wanted to "wipe that scowl" right off my face. Quite right too eh?

I think we all have a proverbial scowl we're not even aware of...


I have my faults, we all do, but I don't deliberately judge people or put them down. I have actually been a whole lot more aware of it over the past six months. I've now become one of those annoying friends who cites my friend's judgements of others back to them. I pull people up for putting others down. 'Few of them want to slap me now too, but if I can help them with a slight mental shift - then maybe they'll thank me one day! Hah! Ok, maybe not. They'll probably just stop hanging with me ;)

I was always much better at judging myself and putting myself down...People who are happy within themselves don't judge others or put them down or make them "wrong". They don't have to. So it all comes back to being happy with Thyself.


But after a whole month of feeling strong, positive, zen-like - yesterday has knocked me on my ass. I have been doing a lot of thinking* and I can probably count on ONE hand the amount of people in nearly EIGHT years who have been so negative and who've left the site in similar circumstances (n a huff)...

That's a tiny proportion out of THOUSANDS who have actually gotten help and left the site a little better, stronger, and happier than when they joined so I guess I really shouldn't be so hard on myself. It'd be more constructive to not sit and focus on the small % who hate me and my site - and focus on the ones who were willing to do the work and who listened, grew and left (or stayed on to support) in a happier healthier place. Yah?




Well praise be to a new chap in Missouri who donated some money this morning - so I am about to face the dreary Scottish rain in order to spend some of it on staples like bread and milk.

I am sure I'll be back to normal soon...Thanks for the support (You know who you are...and so do I.)

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