Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Life really is stranger than fiction...We just had an email from a woman who's good friends with a guy in Hollywood whose agency looks after some of the biggest names in Entertainment. Certainly "household names" the world over, and this guy is "interested" to speak to me about the project/s. Wholly cow!

On a different note, Teddy (pictured with me on the left) wrote last night asking for some support for his WE ARE TOGETHER film. Namely for people to vote for it to be shown in Amsterdam - a brilliant festival there (from what I've heard). It would give more exposure to a film in which ALL PROCEEDS/PROFITS are going straight to this orphanage in Africa. So please take a moment to go HERE and vote. I did and left a comment!

For more info on WE ARE TOGETHER please visit their site. Or their MySpace page. I realise that most of you will not have seen the film yet, but trust me, it's brill! :)

It's so good - I am going to see it again in Edinburgh Aug 24th.

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Monday, July 30, 2007


Do you ever get the feeling that you're on the verge of something big? Like taking that big step into the great unknown? I really am starting to believe that adage of life beginning at 40 - and it's building momentum as it does...

My producer is off to France tomorrow for a week. My Lawyer (and good friend) just text me from Disneyland Paris. She's gone for three! Everyone's leaving me, damn it!

I totally wish I was jetting off to somewhere lovely for a week. I know, I know I just came back from somewhere semi-lovely, but I actually am very inclined to pick up a cheap week's holiday in the sun where I do nothing but read Harry Potter (still only halfway done) and listen to toonz. But August seems like it would be too hot and too crowded so perhaps not. Will wait until the kids go back to school, I think! :) Less likely to run into all those annoying "happy families" (and you know who you are!) ;)

Maybe I should just hop in the car and find a wee cottage up the west coast of Scotland? That might be good...

If all else fails, I am booked to go to London for more meetings in less than two weeks - so that's something...It's exciting times indeed, kids!

Truth be told, the bottom line on all this is "we are weighing up all our options". That's a fantastic position to be in. It's not one I've ever been in before. It's so incredible - if a little disconcerting.

Thankfully my "dream team" is being built and they're not there just as friends, and as business advisors, but also as protectors. We don't always know who to trust in life do we? Let's face it, I've certainly made some questionable choices in my life with that regard...but at some point we do have to open up and trust people - even if it means the risk of getting hurt. Right? Right.

There's a very good chance I am off to America to re-shoot (in High Def) before they year's end. I'll be interviewing some I've already interviewed and some newcomers as well. I am very excited.

Well, here's hoping it all comes off. I guess I shouldn't count my chickens before they're hatched. Murphy's Law and all that...

I do always tend to work on the mantra - "prepare for the worst and hope for the best". It's my motto in life and in love and now business too. It has served me well. I don't really think of myself as a pessimist but rather a realist.

I've sent a zillion emails today and about 10% have been returned. Is today a holiday or something? Particularly it feels like all the Americans are out of the office...I guess Hollywood and New York shut down for August or something and maybe they just decided to leave a few days early?

Whatever, "it's all good". Things are certainly going in the right direction at any rate. The So You've Been Dumped project (franchise?) is getting bigger and bigger by the day...like a snowball down the mountain side.

I finally feel poised to be an "over night success" after a mere seven-plus-years of slugging my guts out! Hooorah!

At least my life is never boring. Sometimes a tad lonely, but never ever boring!

It's kinda of weird because I keep getting this Wayne & Garth feeling washing over me of "we're not worthy, we're not worthy" - when all these really famous, talented, successful people contact me and say they want to work with me on this project.

It's brilliant but overwhelming.

God, it's good to be alive!

Peace out.

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Saturday, July 28, 2007


Friday - Early:
Well, it's been an amazing ride this week...(Particularly in direct contrast to the misery of last week...when I was sick). I am still croaky (even more after a very late night in the bar enjoying PUNK KAROAOKE!) Sadly the cough remains - but not enough to dampen my experience of BRITDOC.

Because I am a total novice, and have no other frame of reference, I suspect my experience here at BRITDOC is quite a unique. Virgin that I am... :)


Yesterday was a stressful day in the SHELDONIAN THEATRE watching the other twelve pitchers. The more I saw, the more worried I became. Having been with half of these people on pitch training - I was rooting for my other pitchers and newfound friends. Thankfully, we were not in direct competition with each other - as all our projects were so different.

Jess, BritDoc's founder gave a lovely introduction about my project - and asked everyone give me a "special round of the applause" as I am a "first time film maker" and of course pitcher. So they did - which got the heart racing even more...

Thankfully having Stefan by my side - introducing his involvement to the project and giving his support - it gave me a moment to catch my breath. Grabbing the mic, I stood (most others sat for theirs) and immediately did my best to go into Stand Up Comic mode and fumbled my way through the whole thing. I am pretty sure I forgot entire paragraphs of the pitch, but it didn't seem to matter all that much.

The trailer got people laughing (thankfully at all the right places), I finished my pitch and it opened to the rather massive panel for nine minute's comments. The feedback was amazing and the support of the project too. I found it overwhelming trying to take it all in, I really did. They were saying things like "this shouldn't be a film, you should aim for a series" and "get an agent" and "this is a franchise" - a few other notable comments were "this is your retirement fund" (which countless people re-iterated to me for the next day-and-a-half) and "you should be on Oprah". I felt like saying, "yeah hon, from your mouths to God's ears" but we weren't allow to speak. The whole thing was just hilarious and validating. I was so relieved when it was all over, but then got a tiny glimpse of what it's like to be a rock star. People were coming up to me all day long with business cards, show reels, full films, advice, and compliments (and as I said, warnings)...

So, I was wandering around afterwards and stopping to chat to people about the experience - when I kept spontaneously crying. Well, I guess if I can stand up in front of a few hundred folk and bang-on about how I got dumped three times - a few tears isn't all that bad...I think it was just the adrenalin subsiding and my system just became unsteady. It was really an emotional and amazing day.

Just before six o'clock I was having a chat to a chap called Tim from MERCURY MEDIA (& joiningthedots.tv) when I realised I was fifteen minutes from where I should have been in order to see the film I wanted to see namely, Teddy and Paul's (pic: right) WE ARE TOGETHER. Stefan first introduced me to the project some months ago and I was definitely interested in seeing this inspirational and wonderful film. So with one panicked text to say I was in the wrong place and I was on my way - I brisk-walked back to the O'Reilly Theatre and only missed two minutes of the movie which was thankfully starting late. I took my seat in the second row and got enveloped into this captivating film about a choir in South Africa who to go to NYC - and the film's lead, twelve-year old Slindile - who had "star quality" written all over her.

From the film's website "With unforgettable kids, soaring music and a plot full of surprises, WE ARE TOGETHER arrives as a stirring and uplifting theatrical documentary." - which is all utterly true.

Or as I said to the film's producers Teddy and Paul afterwards - "it was beautifully shot, and it made me laugh and cry - what more can we want from our movie going experience?" They have given me such hope as "first timers" too - that I could do something similar. I hope they get an Oscar nod next year as they totally deserve it. Look forward to seeing the boys at Edinburgh next month...Who knows, maybe we'll even work together...


LATER ON FRIDAY: I am on the bus to London. I do have to admit I seldom take buses, as I really really don't like them, but this bus, to be fair, has wi/fi and a power socket at the seat so I am quite pleased. Just as I was getting on the bus I got a call from a chap named Chris Atkins... who wants to meet me in London as soon as I arrive down there. Just switched on KFOG - a San Francisco radio station - which is a little surreal when I am stuck in Oxford traffic. I swear it's a one hour trip to London and it's gonna take an hour just to get out of Oxford - which is a bit insane. And no, I didn't see any sign of flooding here at all. The sun is shining and the bus is a little stifling but at least it has wi/fi and a power socket so won't complain.

When I first got the call, I thought Chris was someone else. To be fair, I met about two dozen guys (and gals) after the pitch, many expressing an interest to talk to me about the project before I'd returned to Scotland, and secondly, as he rang, I was trying to buy my ticket for the bus.

Later, when he text me the directions - I'd realised it was someone different than I was thinking, so I did what all good people do and I "Googled" him, and found an article about him with this picture (right) and then I knew who I was meeting...

Chris, you see, was the first person to come up to me after the pitch and hand me his details - and newly finished film TAKING LIBERTIES, so reaching in my bag, I pulled it out and began watching. Because of the traffic and various stops, I managed to see most of it too.

Well, eventually I found Chris and Christina at Oxford Circus in London and off we went to chat at a bagel shop around the corner. On the way down the street, I said "So I watched your film...and I have to say it's not my cup of tea..." (Harsh, I know, but wait...) and then I said, "because I am a-political and utterly-clueless about all of this stuff...." (pause for effect) and then I said, "and I loved it. It was beautifully shot, the music was great in it, and the graphics were really cool and I really liked the characters". And I meant it, all of it. Anyone who knows me - knows I am nothing if not BLUNT (which doesn't always go down well as you can imagine). I am one to call a spade a "fucking shovel" - not everyone likes it, but it's who I am and not likely to change much now. Old habits and all that jazz....

We had a fantastic chat and I actually felt quite honored to be sitting there talking to such a talented guy. Chris has worked with Richard Jobson on a few films (I really want to see 16 Years of Alcohol) but this new film is his first foray into docs. Certainly seems to have good instincts and the midas touch as, like WE ARE TOGETHER, Chris's film should definitely be BAFTA-worthy (too British for the OSCAR, I'd reckon). TAKING LIBERTIES is already getting great reviews and has a good buzz about it. Well that's what Stefan says anyway...and I could see why - having watched it.

Speaking of Stefan, rather knackered (like me), he came along toward the end of the meeting and when it was over, got me to my train in a taxi. Bless him. I could not have managed the tube let alone carried that damn luggage up the steps to Platform 6 at Finsbury Park even if I had wanted to. By that point at seven pm on a Friday night the two of us were well and truly wrecked - but with a deep sense of satisfaction of a job well done. It was a very fruitful week and has given me heaps to think about.

For the first time in many years, Hannah (my lovely friend and legal advisor) & I were able to sit and chat for hours tonight (as her family is away for the night). I recounted the whole week and asked her legal advice about the future of Dumped Enterprises....LOL. Not the real name but let's just say the panel gave me much 'food for thought' of where I should be heading next.

Saturday - Morning

I slept until 10am and damn I needed it. I've got the events of the week spinning through my head as I listen to KFOG on the radio again (over the Net).

I have a suspicion I am going to California soon. Having just been there last month, I'd not expected to go before Thanksgiving, but something tells me that could change. We shall see. I do know the coming week needs to see me drawing up a game plan for the next two years (and beyond).

Top of that list is to get this little SYBD book, "Goodbye My Lover", sold and out before Christmas. But I also have the dilemma of - "is this project (I am down here for) a "series" or a "film"....or both?"

The rest of my week needs to be spent reading Harry Potter to figure out what these Deathly Hallows are. I am only to the part where Ron takes out the sword of Gryffindor and kills Hermoine with it and then takes his own life. I can't wait to see what Harry does without his two best friends.

What? Oh you haven't gotten to that part? Sorry.

Seriously though, I've made no progress since the plane ride south. Too busy socialising, networking and if I am being honest panicking. Now I can relax, decompress, go through the two dozen business cards and show reels and try to remember who's who....I've got a a number of emails to be writing that's for sure.

Thanks for all of you who have been supportive - both at BritDoc but in my own personal life too. You know who you are...

They say "life begins at 40" and if this week is anything to go by, then I think they might just be right. We'll see. As ever, watch this space...

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Thursday, July 26, 2007


Brilliant Day
I don't have time to post but I did want to say this may very well be the best day of my working life. What an amazing week. What an amazing group of people. What an amazing response to the SYBD pitch and taster-trailer. I have to go now as it's time to go see Stefan's *other* film - We Are Together. Update to follow. Oprah here I come.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007



Well I found out I can get wi/fi in the Keble College Cafe - hooray.


I went to see AJ SCHNACK'S KURT COBAIN - ABOUT A SON film today here at BritDoc. It was beautifully shot, boasted a great soundtrack and was unlike any documentary film I'd ever seen. It was basically all told in Kurt's own voice - through audio interviews with Michael Azerad - who wrote COME AS YOU ARE THE STORY OF NIRVANA. You don't actually see Kurt in the film at all - so any expectation of that will leave you disappointed but if you can watch it and be drawn into the the movement of the story as it unravels, you'll truly enjoy it. I am not at all saying this because the Director (and Editor) of the film, AJ, is sitting right next to me, honest... :) It's the only movie I have managed to see in the whirlwind two days here so far.

Boy, have I met an amazing, articulate, intelligent, creative, funny and interesting bunch of people already (the festival only started about eight or nine hours ago! I was down early for pitch training.) So it's safe to say, we're off to an auspicious start...

This morning my own Exec Producer (EP) was on a panel along with people from Discovery Films (the theatrical arm of the Discovery Channel), and A&E's film division and the guy who did the hugest-ever UK documentary - TOUCHING THE VOID, John (someone or other, can't remember his last name)...Best of all my (gorgeous) EP managed to get a good plug for my project in....Which he assured me he did on a later panel as well. So the So You've Been Dumped movie buzz is starting to grow!

Damn it, I've just noticed HELVETICA is on at the Phoenix where I just saw the Cobain film and it's a good 10 or 15 minute walk. Guess I'll not be making that one. And I've just missed In the SHADOW OF THE MOON which I really wanted to see. D'oh.

I guess that's a sign I should be working on my pitch before tonight's massive BANQUET. The banquet halls here are like a scene out of Harry Potter. It's sooo amazing here. It's incredibly exciting and of course a little intimidating. My room is overlooking this glorious courtyard where I can watch all the comings and goings of the delegates.


As for my pitch, it is taking place tomorrow afternoon. It's seven minutes long. I am the only one here from North of the Border (to pitch that is) and the only one in the room who's a "first-time-filmmaker". God, I hope they go easy on me. I feel incredibly blessed to be here, but I am a little in awe of it all, if I am being truthful. A real fish riding a bike type situation...

Let me thank those of you who have bothered to send me your well wishes by text and email. It's been much appreciated. (And for those of you who haven't, well you suck....what can I say?) :)

Oh well Carpe Diem, eh?


Sitting around the pitch training table yesterday and hearing what my fellow pitches have made already - was a bit disconcerting. Like Simon, for instance, who made EVERY GOOD MARRIAGE BEGINS WITH TEARS. Ironically I had wanted to see when it came to the GFT this year but never made it. Last night, I had a lovely, intimate, (even romantic) meal with a BAFTA nominee Jamie Jay Johnson - who was a most lovely companion - witty and quirky (the way I like my men)....Jamie was BAFTA-nominated for his film HOLIDAY AROUND MY BEDROOM which I am not most-curious to see. Arriving late, he'd missed my practice pitch and therefor forced me to do it over dinner. He loved it and what transpired was a very deep and meaningful conversation about casual sex, relationships, break-ups and modern society. Brilliant!

Earlier today I had a lovely chat with a gentleman called Mark Craig who did an amazing sounding documentary all with his own answering messages over like 20 years. How cool is that? It's called TALK TO ME.


Well, I've just had my ass kicked yet again by Lucy who's running the pitching forum and I've been told to re-work it and so I must go do so now. Thank God that by this time tomorrow it will all be over....(well the pitch anyway)...Then it's time for punk karaoke! Yes, really.

Until next time, it's CYA from Thea, in Oxford :)

PS - Ignore typos and bad spelling. Bit rushed...xx

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Monday, July 23, 2007



Who the devil says 'size doesn't matter'? Ha, well I can tell you, it does!...Especially when you're talking a 22" and wide, baby! Yowza. I am, of course, talking monitors kids, (get your mind out of the gutter). The new puppy arrived this morning and what can I say? It's quite a jump from 15" regular to 22" wide - I have to tell you. Wasn't sure it was gonna fit. (*smirk*) but fit it does. It's lovvvveeeely! Yes, it's a bit sad that I am excited so much by yet-another-gadget. :)


Well, it will be radio silence for me for a while...Three days to the Big Day...Man am I scared! But the good news is that of all of us who made it down to the final, (lucky) 13 (out of 130!) - we're all in the same boat. Ok, I suspect some of them will have PITCHED before, but not too many people on this planet thrive on standing in front of more than four hundred (potential) people to talk! I know I sure don't. That's why I picked radio for a career for goodness sake!


Speaking of radio...Well the birthday week lives on. More gifts arrived today from Seattle Carol and Santa Rosa DJ David Page. David is one of my favourite people on the planet - and by far my favorite professor (radio of course). He and his lovely wife Diane sent me a CD - no doubt from my "Wish List" on Amazon.com! (Must update that now, huh?). And Carol's was yet another legendary CD mix. She's one of the few people on the planet that can make as good of mixes as I can (she says every-so-modestly! LOL).

So hooray for new music! They were a couple of nice surprises - especially after a downer week last week! So thanks peeps. Between those gifts, my voice starting to come back and the sun shining --- I am getting back to my smiling self!


While I have you here, could I possibly trouble you to watch the SYBD movie trailer? Even if you've already seen it, please view it again, for me? It would be super if by the time I am standing in front of the stage on Thursday - we'd had more than a thousand views...So please do what you can to spread the word to all you know...Help the SYBD cause. Blog it. Forward the URL on in emails. Carrier pigeon, I don't care how...


Hands up, who went and got the book this weekend? I nearly went out at midnight on Friday, but actually left it until 9am Saturday. LOL. And I got it for a "fiver" too - which made me pleased as punch. 'Phoned my (gorgeous) producer last night (who was also feeling sick...) and he was a hundred pages ahead of me! Drat! It will take me all week to read it, (because I am the slowest reader on the planet), but read it I will! A gal my sister works with took Monday and Tuesday off to read it. Now that's dedication! LOL. (It's good, but I am not sure it's that good. Oh well any excuse for a day off of work right? Good stuff.)


Well, I best be getting back to the packing and I've a few more "thank you" cards to send. I still have no idea who gave me the voucher for pampering for my birthday so if you know, please tell me. It's a "Sweet Little Mysery" for now though... :)

PS: If you have an account on YouTube please rate the trailer with many stars and give us some + feedback, won'tcha?

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Monday, July 16, 2007

F**K ME, I'm 40!

Well it’s been one heck of a ride this past weekend. Friday was a stressful day, with deadlines and party planning making me amped on Adrenalin. I survived and got my ‘copy’ in for the BritDoc Festival by 3pm. By 4pm Smitty and I were on the train to Edinburgh for a gig at Edinburgh Castle. We browsed around the shops – ducking into stores to avoid the rain. Had a lovely cup of tea in a Sunflower CafĂ© just off the Royal Mile, picked up the tickets from 'Will Call' and went for a yummy meal in a pub in the Grassmarket, Maggie Dicksons. The great music that was playing, nearly-masked the noisiest Hen Night party ever. Oh well we enjoyed ourselves, that's the main thing...Plus we were dry!

We picked up some cheap water-slicker-ponchos from a shop near the Castle, but still held hope that the rain would ease off in time for ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN, but to no avail. So we snuggled up in our ponchos in the bleachers and waited for BLONDIE to come on. Both acts sounded good it was only the weather that really put a dampener on the proceedings. Highlight for Echo's set "Nothing Lasts Forever".

We left early so I could be back home at midnight when the bells tolled for my 40th birthday. We had a private celebration before falling fast asleep.

The morning was for waffles and celebrating by opening the various cards and gifts that had by-passed the postal strike and arrived. (More on that later)

The party went well. Smitty reckons there were “forty or fifty” people there. I think he’s being overly optimistic. I’d have said closer to “thirty” but then I never counted. I was too busy circulating the whole night long and running back to the DJ box to mix my fave 80s tracks. I forgot how much I miss DJ-ing...Speaking of which...

Surprise guest of the night was my former Q96 boss – Ciaran O’Toole. I’d not seen Ciaran since Q closed its doors on the last day in September so that was a real treat. I’ve asked why he’s not hired me on Rock Radio and he has said “a number of people have asked that”. Quite right. I mean who better to present say an American Rock show than me?

By the time the party got rolling – it was a fantastic mix of musicians, knitters, professionals, creatives, and yes even dumpees (who of course are more than that title but for the sake of variety I use it) all mixing together beautifully. There were a few ‘no shows’ which was disappointing but the people who were ‘meant to be there’ were. So it’s all good...

After half ten we were booted from the downstairs at the Admiral Bar so they could make way for the club that started at 11pm. By that point I was too exhausted to consider moving back downstairs...

Instead a group of us drank until midnight in the main bar before Smitty and I whisked off for some five-star treatment at the local hotel. By then though, my voice was starting to go and I was ready to collapse from exhaustion.

Now it’s Monday – my voice has totally gone, I feel rough but that must mean it was a great weekend. I thank all of you who came, all the emails, texts and private messages…

Looking around my flat I see the dozens of cards I received (my best year yet, see it pays to have a party!) The presents are all in pile on my living room floor – waiting for me to write the various “thank you” notes and messages!

Hannah got me the biggest gift – a Digital Picture frame. So excited to see how that works. Someone else kindly got me a 25-pound pamper session, but honestly I have no idea who it came from. I will need to investigate that today…

I am playing the ELLIOT SMITH CD that Geoff Martyn got me. It’s brilliant. (G is pictured far right next to the lovely Vivien Scotson...)

There are more presents en route from Australia and America so that will extend the celebrations even longer.

Now that that is well and truly over I can move on to the next order of business – the BritDoc Festival. I am doing a pitch for a six-figure sum to complete the SYBD film. A chunk of that money would allow me to travel the globe to meet and interview even more of the wonderful site members.

So wish me luck...

Meanwhile I think it’s time I head back under the duvet.

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007


HOT OFF THE PRESSES: The So You've Been Dumped movie trailer...

Please give us a good rating. Tell friends. Help build the buzz for this film ok?
Cheers folks! :)


I saw the new Harry Potter film - it's already blogged on my MySpace page (www.myspace.com/soyouvebeendumped) but let's just say I really enjoyed it. Then tonight I saw SMOKEY ROBINSON in concert (and shoot the God's hand!) My life is omplete! xx

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Thursday, July 05, 2007

DEFINITION: What is a Sociopath?

Well I woke up early this morning pondering one word in my brain - "sociopath" - in particular one's response to how they handle a break-up.

dictionary.com defines it the following way:

Sociopath - a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behaviour is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.

Naturally, I turned to the web for some definitions of the word and then came across a sister-word psychopath which is defined below...

On my site there are daily examples of sociopathic break-ups...a recent one I came across from American gal SG, posted June 11 - has the following to say:

"I just cannot believe my ex, who is 36 years old, decided to trawl on [dating sites] without saying anything about wanting to break up!  WTF?  How hard would it have been to just say, "I want to break up," or "I want to see other people," or "I don't want to see you anymore"?!?!  He knows me well enough to know that such a conversation would have taken -- literally -- five minutes, because "I want to break up" would have been enough reason for me -- I wouldn't have seen the point in a drawn out scene with him (even though I would have done extensive post-game analysis with friends)."

No, as I said, I didn't write that - but I've sure felt that way before! Many of us have, I reckon. She goes on to say:

"I just don't get it, but I am so pissed.  I alternate between thinking he's disgusting and that I would never want anything, ever to do with him again, and wanting to understand what the hell he was thinking? If I thought I would get an answer that made any sort of sense at all, I would ask him, but I know whatever he says won't make any sense at all.  I am tempted to think he's a sociopath.  WTF?"

Oh the universal sound of Vanishing Act break-up and the anger that follows it...I too have had those sorts of "Why? Why? Why?" questions...They're very normal in fact, but the chances are even he doesn't know why he behaved so abominably.  And more often than not the answers wouldn't actually help you feel better. It doesn't change the outcome - namely "you're dumped!" so you just need to come to terms with it yourself and file it under "not meant to be". And if the person was "meant to be" he'd certainly not chosen that as his exit strategy.

NG, also in America (and with a soap-opera worthy break-up) chimes in with her take on the sociopathic breaks:

"After what I've been through with my ex, and after all the stories I've read on this website, I am beginning to believe that there is a sort of 'sociopathic' element to some of the dumpers who brought us here. How can someone spend time with you (in my case, more than ten years), eating, sleeping, travelling, professing love, going through the ups and downs of life, etc., and then discard, you, their significant other WITHOUT A WORD? It is the 'unthinkable' that became 'reality' for most of us"

So much food for thought huh? Well it has been for me and it will be finding its way into SYBD's Little Book of Break-ups currently being completed....

Now for the definition I promised you.

From Wikipedia:

What is a psychopath?

A psychopath has no concern for the feelings of others and a complete disregard for any sense of social obligation. They seem egocentric and lack insight of any sense of responsibility or consequence. Their emotions are thought to be superficial and shallow, if they exist at all. They are considered callous, manipulative, and incapable of forming lasting relationships, let alone showing any kind of meaningful love. They typically never perform any action unless they determine it can be beneficial for themselves.

Since psychopaths cause harm through their actions, it is assumed that they are not emotionally attached to the people they harm; however, according to the PCL-R Checklist, psychopaths are also careless in the way they treat themselves. They frequently fail to alter their behavior in a way that would prevent them from enduring future discomfort. Dr. Joseph Newman contends that the behavior displayed by psychopaths is the result of "an inability to process contextual cues." [23]

It is thought that any emotions which the primary psychopath exhibits are the fruits of watching and mimicking other people's emotions. They show poor impulse control and a low tolerance for frustration and aggression. They have no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they truly are devoid of conscience. However, they understand that society expects them to behave in a conscientious manner, and therefore they mimic this behavior when it suits their needs.

Most studies of psychopaths have taken place among prison populations. This remains a limitation on its applicability to a general population but that has not prevented fiction writers from popularizing psychopaths in the movies.

Cleckley defined psychopathy thus:[24]

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Celebrate your Independence!


Well being the sexually-active-single-woman that I am, I started off my day (much too early) doing something I've been putting off for far too long...I went and got an MOT at the sexual health clinic.

A number of my male friends have been doing the same thing, and I kept putting it off, but today I thought, "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway". It seemed the right day to do it and besides I don't think we can ever be too careful - especially as people can be proven very untrustworthy, they can lie and they can cheat - so it's down to us to be responsible. Right? Right.

But my how times have changed since the last time I had it done (back in 2004)...They text you the results now. Trippy or what? Hope it comes back clean or there will be hell to pay...


Once I was done with that ordeal I went to my favourite west end spot, the library (slight sarcasm) and worked until the roar of my tummy made it impossible to concentrate anymore. I'm on a deadline, you see, as my gorgeous, rather-successful would-be-business-partner is due up on Friday and I want to show him the fruits of my labor!


I got a really, long, sweet message from an SYBD member today in which she reminded me of my worth. Don't we all need that sometimes? To hear that someone, anyone believes in us? Here's one of the final paragraphs.

"You have done something marvelous with this site. You have earned your points in heaven, but it is not the last marvelous thing you will do. You have so much to offer that goes beyond SYBD. Never doubt that. You are a positive force in the universe, and that is a rare thing. Someone willing to turn their personal pain into compassion for others is truly among the bravest of souls."

She's eloquent eh? Ok, I admit it, I burst into tears when I got to that part of the message, but then I am a bit fragile every July and this one's been especially challenging...


The sky is clear(ish) and I feel like walking to town to see SHREK or THE FLYING SCOTSMAN but then I have a nasty huge blister on my right foot and I am not sure a mile or two walk would be particularly helpful on that score.


So what should I do to celebrate my independence for the night? Whatever I do, it won't be the same as being home - where I'd be with friends, at a pool party or a BBQ or the like. I'd no doubt see fireworks somewhere but not tonight, not here. The only hope I have is a thunderstorm with some lightning...and looking out my window that's looking increasingly unlikely.


I need a massage. Anyone want to buy me one on the 14th? I've got a severe pain in my neck. I feel like I've slept wrong for a week. It's agony.


My pal Stephen has just informed me that the THRILLS are playing tomorrow night. I had no idea. I am so out of the loop this year. At least I have some great gigs to look forward to - SMOKEY ROBINSON and BLONDIE (with Echo and the Bunnymen on support!!)


As it's HARRY POTTER season - I am revisiting the past few books - to gear up for the coming movie and film. Honestly I don't remember any thing that's happened in any of the books. Memory like a sieve me....

Unless it's someone who's hurt me...

Then I'm rather like an elephant.

Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans. I am with you in spirit...

Celebrate your independence one and all...

PS: Speaking of which - I just came across a new film that looks awesome and opens in NYC today. It's a documentary by and for women of the world called FLYING Confessions of a Free Woman. The trailer is awesome and can be found below. Check out the profile on MySpace or at least find more info about the film. I can't wait to see it.

FLYING: Confessions of a Free Woman Trailer

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Empathy for the Devil

I am someone who is both blessed and cursed by shedloads of empathy. I feel so much sometimes that it actually hurts. At my deepest core, I am one who is always determined to look beyond a person's actions or words to see what motivates them...To figure out why they might be doing, saying or reacting to something.

In my infinite wisdom, one thing I have learned is that when people do hurt each other, it's usually out of FEAR. Fear of losing someone, fear of being abandoned, fear of being ridiculed – or any other of host of fears. What we have to remember is that FEAR is only False Evidence Appearing Real.

I don't ever deliberately hurt people,…that is not to say I never DO, only that it's not my intention. Each time I do hurt someone or behave badly (which happens far more than I’d like to admit), I vow to learn from it, and also to not make the same mistake again. Naturally, I make other mistakes but usually not the same ones.

Sometimes I over react but we all do, don’t we? Once I calm down – I usually know I’ve blown it (all out of proportion) and am big enough to apologise to people. Sometimes it’s too late. This sort of thing has actually happened a couple of times in the past year, and resulted in me losing friends. But I guess if they’re unable to forgive me, then they can’t have been to true of a friend anyway.

Thankfully my REAL friends, who truly value me, remain to fight the good fight. They forgive me my perceived crimes and they work through them with me - even when, or should I say especially when, they’re really pissed at me! Bless you if that’s you.

Others however choose to leave my life and never look back which saddens me. It’s never easy letting go of friends (or indeed lovers) but we all have to do it at times. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to stop them. And if we really stop to think of it, we shouldn’t have to ‘talk someone into’ staying. I don’t want anyone to be in my life who doesn’t want to be there of their own accord.


My good friend (Wee Fat) Bob once told me “Thea, we must always choose our battles”. What he meant was, I’d behaved like a complete tool (at moments) on a roadtrip to Hollywood, but instead of falling out with me, he chose to focus on my good attributes. He chose to remember that I am more-often-than-not a caring, empathetic individual and not always a moody cow. Bless him. That’s why we’ve remained friends for more than a decade now...


You know, we all have friends who get on our nerves, say or do the wrong thing or flake on us when we had plans – but if we look at ourselves, we realise we can be guilty of such perceived crimes as well. None of us is perfect, we all just do the best we can with skills and tools we’ve been given or acquired. As we grow and learn more - we do better.

That said the more I learn the more I realise the less I really know. We are all quite simply "works in progress". If we remember that, we can be more forgiving of those who we feel slight us.


There is a really long and interesting thread (started by Fluffster) in the Benefactor zone of SYBD (so only the paid members can read it) which discusses friends and how we get so let down by them. The Thread is called SINGLE PANTS but it has nothing to do with underwear. Ha Ha. It actually is about how lonely the Single Life can be and how flakey people can be.


What hurts in life is our EXPECTATIONS that things will last. The loss of love (or friendship) hurts because we expect it to go on forever and when it doesn’t, we’re downright gutted. Wouldn’t it be great if we could do what Dr. Seuss suggests and not “cry because it’s over but smile because it’s happened”?

But that’s not realistic. We do cry. We mourn the loss of what might have been. We feel like a failure when we lose them too. We make it all about us when it might not even be about us. We stair at the closed door so long that we forget to realise another window has been opened and that the universe is always balanced. So if one person leaves your life – that just makes way for someone new to come in. In most cases someone even better.


When I was growing up, my mother used to have a home-based salon. In the salon, on the large gold-rimmed mirror on the wall, was a little bumper sticker that read “Look for the good and praise it”. You know, I don’t think I ever gave my parents credit for the principles they tried to instil in me from an early age. It wasn’t until I was much older that I truly understood what the meaning behind that childhood bumper sticker was and, as if by osmosis, it has become my life’s mantra.

All of us can find reasons to be unhappy or disappointed – particularly if we have just lost the love of our lives. What 'looking for the good and praising it' suggests is that we dig deeper. Hidden in every experience in our lives – whether we find it “good” or “bad” - is something that can benefit us.

Along those lines, my all-time favourite quote is "Every adversity carries within it the seed of equal or greater benefit." (Napoleon Hill)

I feel like I am spending my entire life waiting for my benefits to come… :)

But seriously folks – accentuate the positive. Instead of looking at the friends you’ve lost, or the lover who’s walked, look at all you do have in your life. You’ve got people who love and care for you even on your bad days - when even you don’t like yourself. People can surprise you too. Sometimes support comes from the most unlikely of sources – ex lovers, friends who’d disappeared, and new friends too. We’re all blessed we just forget that sometimes.

To my friends who’ve supported me, you know who you are, I thank you and I love you. To those who left, I thank you too for the lessons learned…

Peace be with all of you…

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