Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Springing into Summer



Soyouvebeendumped.com
is my baby and is on the verge of turning seven years old (July 4). To me, it’s brought just as much laughter, tears, and joy as a person’s real baby might bring them. There have been financial struggles, security issues, tantrum flare-ups - the lot.

I’ve made friends. I’ve lost friends.

I’ve had lovers. I’ve lost lovers.

I’ve been inspired by stories and I’ve been disheartened stories in almost equal measure.

Most of all it is my greatest achievement in spite of it all.

For my twenties I was in relationships. For my thirties I’ve been single. Now at long last my faith in men is slowly being restored as I inch ever closer to my forties. With that milestone, I hope comes wisdom.

Dating as a dumped guru is not without its pitfalls. The older we get, the more baggage we have. This goes for me as well as the men - who in their thirties and forties - tend to have baggage in terms of offspring and exes which can be quite daunting if I am being honest. But a guy without exes and kids is almost equally worrying.

I am finding it challenging to look at SYBD and the sadness that permeates out of the Dumped Zone. Frankly I have grown weary of reading about, thinking about and worrying about the ends of a relationships.

I have long suspected break up pain was similar to labour pain...Namely that eventually when enough time has past, you forget about how painful it all was - or you'd never want to do it again...

I don’t want to know how badly I could hurt, or be hurt by, someone else. I want to be blissfully unaware and optimistic that some relationships can and do go the distance. But truth be told, SYBD has made me more of a cynic that I’d like to be or to admit. The pain to joy ratio has been quite unequal over the years. Because when people get happy the last place they want to be is hanging out on SYBD. Perhaps for the first time ever, this even goes for me.

Thankfully there are other forums for general discussions, dating, movies, music, sex (well for the members who make donations of more than $30 USD) and one of my favorites is the Good News forum. That's the best forum to read to keep your happiness going...Life goes on. We don't feel like it will but it does.

At the end of the day the message on the site (and indeed my own life) is resilience. Every day people get dumped, most move on and many report how their split has changed their life for the better. Those stories are the stories I want to read. People who’ve been through the pain and made it through the other side holding a glass of lemonade.

For years I've watched member after member heal and move on. I hope on some level I’ve been a catalyst for that growth and yet I’ve stayed virtually motionless in my own growth. I’ve sat here writing the same thing ad nauseam– reliving every break up I have ever had - day in and day out. I may have even been guilty of using the site as a crutch to not date. Scoffing relationships off with a jaded old “what’s the point?”

But the point is, we’re not meant to be on this planet alone. We’re here for love as illusive as that often is. So when we do meet someone who is un-pass-up-able we need to do as Susan Jeffers says and “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Buy the 20th anniversary edition from Amazon: Buy Feel the Fear from Amazon today | Buy Feel the Fear from Amazon today

These days, relationships hold about a fifty per cent chance of working out anyway.

As for business – the little book of crazy dumping stories is coming on leaps and bounds. I’ve an illustrator lined up to design some artwork for it. The film has been hiatus for a month while I was sunning myself in California, but now it’s time to get back to business. Get my game back on.

There’s talk of attending the BritDoc Festival in Oxford next month to build the So You’ve Been Dumped movie buzz. Watch this space…

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